Late at night sitting at my PC

I need to post now. It's 4am and I can no-longer sleep.

Since I read the MORI poll I have realised afresh that I am not unique in my suffering. It's not only me that was abused by my wife.

But I am alone. Very alone.

I had thought that tonight I would write letters and email my closest friends. I thought maybe I would "come out" and tell them what she used to do. Or at least an indication of the facts.

But I can not.

These hidden scars keep me awake tonight. As I lay there, unable to sleep, it was three and a half years ago again. It is those months all the time.

My memories will not fade but with time but perhaps I can hope to get better at not thinking about them. After all no-one will care.

I am male and she was female, I am "big" and she was "small" - so they will say: "take it like a man" and "get over it".

I have to get over it most mornings just to carry on.

3 years of silent, sexual, physical and psycological abuse by a woman does tend to leave a few scars in the mind.

It's just that tonight, my scars hurt particularly badly, I'm sorry if i bothered you.