BBC NEWS | UK | 'Dads army' steps up fight for rights

They say: "'What we intend to do is introduce schemes to encourage parents to mediate more, with the help of experts, and come to their own arrangements. Orders agreed by parents themselves are more likely to be adhered to.' "

But expirence tells us that when a mothers only vow left unbroken is I will do whatever it takes to ensure you never see your child again these sessions are just another way to drag the issue out and make it longer before the father gets any time of value with his child.

I personally went through such a time and was in a position where I was collecting and dropping of my child once a week. I would see him for just four hours in that time and it was garenteed that a visit to the building would result in my catching a new infection or each week. In once instance I saw that everyone had eye infections and the next day my eyes were itchy. I made an emergency apointment to see the doctore and discribed in detail what I new I was infected with.

So certain was I that dispite not believing me he prescribe the eye drops any way. I did endure the simptoms of very red and bloodshot eyes but only for a few days unlike my (then) wife and her toy-boy shag-mate.

I am pleased but supprised that my son did not die.

BBC NEWS | UK | 'Dads army' steps up fight for rights

Figures show that mothers gain custody in four out of five disputes - F4J believes that 40% of fathers subsequently lose contact with their children within two years. Mr O'Connor says some of these cases will be due to fathers turning their backs, but he claims that the "vast majority" are due to mothers denying access.

Heroes to some, a nuisance to others

Family courts issue contact orders in an attempt to ensure access for the parent not living with their children, but Mr O'Connor says these are worthless because they are not enforced.

"People have complete carte blanche to stop contact, knowing that the judge will do absolutely nothing about it," he says.

The government admits that the enforcement of contact orders is "an issue" that needs to be addressed. A Department of Constitutional Affairs (DCA) spokesman says "courts are understandably reluctant to impose jail terms or fines on mothers who have children to look after".

But F4J believes the solution is to give parents and grandparents "a legal right to see their children and grandchildren".

"The law says you have no legal right to see your children - only a right to apply to a court to see them - but you have a legal obligation to pay for them," says Mr O'Connor. Fathers are forced to support children even when mothers are not being forced to allow those fathers access, he says.

meridiantv.com

Police are continuing to question two men from Sussex Tony Blair was hit by a purple flour bomb in the House of Commons. Ron Davies, who is a 44-year-old father of two from Worthing, and Guy Harrison from Steynning, were arrested after the powder was thrown during Prime Minister's Question Time yesterday. They are members of Fathers for Justice, a group campaigning for greater access to children.

Mankind

"Nowhere is this more obvious than in the field of Family Abuse,where not only is there no help on offer, but the official view is that men are the main perpetrators and as such all resources are directed towards females."

Thought for the Day from man2man (U.K.)

A man that has suffered from emotional and physical abuse for years without
once hitting his wife or partner is not a wimp, he is a real hero. A hero
that patiently, with a great love and massive compassion seeks to find any
way he can to pacify the women he loves without violence. He will talk to
her for hours. He will strive to remain calm during the most violent storms
of cruel and hate filled invective. He will shield and protect his children
from her rage. He will go working day after day to feed his family. Only
when his tired mind and heart can no longer suppress the tears and pain she
has put him through will he seek help for his condition."

The Battered Husband: from the Volksgaren Project

This scenario describes a common pattern for abusive women and battered husbands. Not all parts of this scenario are present in every case of husband abuse: Yet most cases of abused men contain the majority of these points:

1. The abusive woman is a serial abuser who, if stopped, is stopped by a violent man.
2. The abusive mother abuses the children as well as her husband.
3. The abused man fails to protect the children from his wife's abuse.
4. The abused man refuses to speak publicly about the abuse.
5. The abused man misrepresents his injuries to doctors and nurses.
6. The abusive mother uses the justice system as a weapon to further abuse the father.
7. The abusive woman has the victim arrested.
8. The abusive mother gains custody of any children at divorce.
9. The family courts refuse to protect the children or the man from the abusive woman.
10. The abusive mother lies to artificially inflate the father s income and therefore, her child support.
11. The justice system and the abuse create the conditions for the abused man's suicide.

Late at night sitting at my PC

I need to post now. It's 4am and I can no-longer sleep.

Since I read the MORI poll I have realised afresh that I am not unique in my suffering. It's not only me that was abused by my wife.

But I am alone. Very alone.

I had thought that tonight I would write letters and email my closest friends. I thought maybe I would "come out" and tell them what she used to do. Or at least an indication of the facts.

But I can not.

These hidden scars keep me awake tonight. As I lay there, unable to sleep, it was three and a half years ago again. It is those months all the time.

My memories will not fade but with time but perhaps I can hope to get better at not thinking about them. After all no-one will care.

I am male and she was female, I am "big" and she was "small" - so they will say: "take it like a man" and "get over it".

I have to get over it most mornings just to carry on.

3 years of silent, sexual, physical and psycological abuse by a woman does tend to leave a few scars in the mind.

It's just that tonight, my scars hurt particularly badly, I'm sorry if i bothered you.

Studies - Violence in the home!

Moreover, since women still get physical custody of children in over 85% of all divorce cases, many men are hesitant to leave, realizing that if they do, the courts will severely limit their access to their children.

The sad truth here is that men would rather be beeten regularly and see thier children then leave.

What are we doing to ourselves?

Men's victimization is a fact. Nevertheless, a few nagging questions remain: First, if men are so much bigger and stronger, why don't they protect themselves? The answer, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. First of all, at the same time little girls are being taught its OK to slap, little boys are being told "Never hit a girl." And when these little boys grow up, they are told that any man who hits a woman is a bully. But if a woman hits him, he's supposed to "take it like a man." James B., for example, is a battered husband who was repeatedly told by his therapists that his wife's violence was something he'd "just have to put up with." Second, according to Professor Suzanne Steinmetz , Director of the Family Research Institute at Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis (IUPUI), men recognize the severe damage they are capable of doing and therefore consciously try to limit it.

Fathers 4 Justice

:"A father in a Spiderman outfit, whose six-day protest on the top of a crane over access rights to his daughter cost millions of pounds and infuriated thousands of London commuters, was cleared of causing a public nuisance yesterday. David Chick, 37, a veteran of three similar earlier protests said 'Watch this space' when asked if he would mount another."

There seems to be thousands of men just like this one let down by the system. "daddy, the heart of the issue" applauds them all.

Fathers 4 Justice

I believe that the time is right to consider the introduction of laws similar to those in California and Florida, and many other American states, where there is a presumption that when a relationship breaks down the children have a right to equal access to both parents.

The author is head of the family law unit at Grahame Stowe Bateson and chief assessor of the Law Society's family law panel.

BBC Here and Now MORI Poll

BBC Here and Now MORI Poll :: a summary of the finds reported here at the daddy website shows this:

Aproximate number of persons subject to physical domestic abuse each year:
3.7 million men
2.6 million women

Discrimination against Men

The claim that men can not care for children "because they are too viliolent" must not be allowed to stand. It is time to do something men. Don't be bullied by an extreamist minority.

BBC Here and Now MORI Poll

All serious studies into domestic violence show a roughly equal balance
between the genders. Some studies have shown that there is a higher rate of
domestic violence amongst lesbian than heterosexual couples. A poll undertaken
by MORI and commissioned by Here and Now had these main findings:

• One in five (18 percent) of men have been victims of domestic violence by
  a wife or female partner as opposed to 13 percent of women by a man..


• One in nine women admit to having used physical aggression against a
  husband or male partner (compared to one in ten men).
• 14 percent of men say that they have been slapped by a partner (compared
  to 9 percent of women).
• 11 percent of men have had a partner threaten to throw something heavy at them (compared to 8 percent of women).
• Only 4 percent of women explained that their behavior (either verbal or physical) was because of drink or drugs (compared to ten percent of men).
• Nearly half (47 percent) of women say that their behaviour (physical or verbal aggression or verbal reasoning) was because "it was the only way I could get through to him".
• Working class men (20 percent) are more likely to have been subjected to
  physical agression by a wife or female partner than upper or middle class
  men (15 percent).
• Here and Now's survey reveals that fifteen percent (6.3 million people) of the population say that they have been subjected to physical agression by a husband/wife or hetrosexual partner.
• MORI interviewed a representitive quota sample of 1,978 adults in Great Britain. 1,865 of whom had ever been in a personal relationship with the opposite sex.
• Field work was conducted from 17-21 November 1994 in 150 constituencies. All interviews were conducted face to face in home employing a self completion technique. Data have been weighted to the known profile of the British population.

Discrimination against Men

"Screening programs are provided for women related cancers such as breast and cervical cancer. However there is no screening of equivalent cancers affecting men such as prostate and testicular cancer. This is very unfair because deaths from prostate cancer are almost as high as deaths from breast cancer and 6.7 times higher than deaths from cervical cancer. The bias is further tilted because research spending overwhelming is in favour of women cancers. The most up to date health targets for the UK include: B1 - reduction of breast cancer by 25%, and B2 - reduction of cervical cancer by 20%. There is not even a mention of prostate, or testicular cancer targets. Men need to demand that more is spent on male health and prevention programs. "

Perhaps it is time to get specific with the MPs and the like. Make demands. Stand up and be counted.

Stand up and be counted.